Seven Thousand Feet Down

As we snake around the mountain roads, I lean to the inside. First twisting right, then left, all that separates us from rolling head-over-hills down the cliff is a piece of metal knee high. I forgot I was afraid of heights when I booked this trip to Mesa Verde National Park in Colorado.  Arriving at our destination 7,000 feet above sea level, we hike along a path dug out of the rock to the pueblo cliff dwellings. My heart beats harder than from the exertion and my legs threaten to freeze at a moments notice. I would have been the weak link in this 800 year old neighborhood at 100 Cliff Palace.

Back at our room for the night in the national park, we are granted a room with a view. Everyone else would love it but as I try to sleep, with the howling wind, the image of this lodge bolted into the cliff feeds my anxiety. I wonder if I will sleep at all. What ensues is a struggle between light and darkness in the pitch black stormy night on a cliff. I wrestle with my fearful thoughts for two hours while the rest of my family snores away.

I focus on the fear I don’t want to have.

I focus on the worry of being awake all night.

I focus on maintaining control and not letting the anxiety get the best of me.

It’s hard for me to put myself totally in God’s arms so I struggle against darkness for two hours.  Winning than losing and over again.

Around midnight I feel overwhelmed by the anxiety and pray for help.

Something changes, the battle is transformed, God takes charge and brings to mind what I’m thankful for. He changes my focus.

Lying in bed, I thank God for my husband, and children.

I thank God for my parents and sibling.

My muscles relax, terror loses it grip, and somehow I fall asleep free from anxiety. I wake up well rested and a bit wiser on a couple of fronts.

·         I realize that I am unable to fight any of my battles, even a war with fear, except with His help. 1 Peter 5:7 says cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (NIV) Remarkably, I can’t do even this without God’s help.      

·         I also realize Biblical instructions can be taken to heart specifically. For example in Philippians 4:6 it says to not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  When I read this scripture, key words jump out at me: anxious, prayer, and thanksgiving. These are specific instructions. Anxiety is lessened when we pray and are thankful. It is a part of our nature that when we engage in a positive emotion, such as thankfulness or love, the negative emotions of fear lessen. 

This truth is continued in Philippians 4:8:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (NIV) We are in a battle between lightness and dark. By focusing on the dark the dark wins.

Prayer and a positive focus, these are God’s instructions for keeping negative emotions at bay whether we are worried about our children’s future, wondering how we can bear the pain, or are struggling with a fear of heights at seven thousand feet.

Dad I’d Like you to Meet my God

My dad died in October. Though I tried I didn’t make it back to see him in time. He took his last breath as my plane landed in Minneapolis with 3 ½ hours of driving still ahead of me. Frankly, I was mad about not making it to his death bed. Surely God could have arranged the whole situation a little better, but then I realized in fact he had.

You see my dad was an atheist. The reason I wanted to make it was to share my faith with him. When he took his last breath before I arrived, I started looking back. I realized I had already miraculously shared God with my father. 

It began a year earlier. While working on my new book Faith Marker Journey, I had recorded one of the many ways God had saved me.  Because of this process of writing it down, one day when I was having a phone conversation with my father, our discussion took a spiritual turn. The topic: the ordinarily forbidden subject of religion. Consistently when my dad talked about being atheist or how clearly false some beliefs were, I shut my mouth. I didn’t want to get into an argument about religion since our relationship seemed so fragile and arguing with a college professor seemed pointless.

This time the conversation started with ISIS and how fundamentalist religious group do atrocious things in the name of their faith. It went quickly to Christianity and the Crusades and then to how the story of Jesus was clearly made up because there wasn’t agreement between the gospels. Usually I would just listen but this time my story, the story I had written down, popped into my head, so I shared.  

I said that most people have a firm belief in God not because of what they read but because of what they experience. People believe in God because of their own very real personal God experiences.

“For example,” I said, “I have struggled with depression for much of my life.  Each time it came on, I’d feel this sinking sensation start in my heart. The feeling would build until I knew my heart would burst. The emotional pain was so intense and so physical, I always wondered if I would survive.”

“Then one night as I lay in bed with my husband beside me, I felt the sinking feeling again.  My first reaction was fear. I tightening my muscles. Pointlessly I tried to fight it. Then something changed. Acceptance flooded my heart as through my closed eyes an extremely bright light glared. There in the center was an image of Jesus. Being on the verge of depression suddenly changed to a feeling of bliss and euphoria.  Jesus intervened in my depression and gave me joy instead.”

After I finished my story, my father wondered out loud, “if we knew more about psychology we might be able to explain it a different way.”  But he stopped arguing, he couldn’t really disprove something I experienced and he knew that really the opposite was true. He knew that in fact our brains tend to go down the same path. We talked more but at the end of the hour long conversation, he said he really enjoyed our talk. Although he still didn’t agree, I think because of my story, he saw religion as not about some dogma out there but as personal relationships people have with God.

As I looked back on this I realized God knew everything that was going to transpire with my father long before it happened. He knew my father was going to be diagnosed with melanoma. He knew my father would quickly die. He knew I wasn’t going to make it back to see him. Finally, he knew I needed to share one of my faith stories on that normal day six months before any of the other drama unfolded. He knew what my father needed to find God!

Driving with my husband, after the sad call about my father, my husband suddenly began to sing a song that popped inexplicable into his head. I’d heard the song many time before but never in the same way. “Amazing Grace how sweet the sound.” I began to sing with him. “That saved a wretch like me.”

 “I once was lost.” I slowed as the words seem to speak directly to my heart, “but now I’m found. Was blind but now I see.” As the word "see" tumbled out of my mouth, the tears swelled in my eyes. I knew God was assuring me. My father, who once was lost, had been found!

“He made it!” I said to my husband and I praised God that I knew it was true!

Leap of Faith

My 9-year-old son’s cry of pain interrupted a nice meal with family.  He clutched his throat as he whispered, “bone.”  The tiny perch inflicted revenge with its sharp but miniscule bone. “Eat something and the bone will go down,” I said, handing my son a piece of bread. Agitated and still holding his throat, he shoved the bread away and grabbed a piece of paper. He scrawled down question after question:

Is it bleeding?

What if it doesn’t go down?

Will I be able to breath?

At first, I patiently answered each question as the drool dripped off his chin. I hated to see him in pain when it wasn’t necessary. “Don’t write anymore questions,” I said. “Just do it.” I knew what would happen when he swallowed the bread.

 “Remember Indiana Jones and his leap of faith,” I explained, talking about the movie Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. “He couldn’t see the pathway. All he saw was a cliff, but he still stepped out into thin air over a deep chasm. This is your leap of faith. You don’t know for sure what’s going to happen. I’ve had a lot of experience with bones in my throat. Swallowing bread has always helped.” “Do you trust what I say?” I asked.

He wasn’t sure.

“This is your Indiana Jones moment. You can either swallow the bread and see what happens or not swallow the bread and have it stay in your throat.”

I wish I could say he immediately took the bread, swallowed it and everything was fine, but he was a reluctant hero. The throat clutching and tears went on for another hour. More drool, more questions, more pain, but then finally, a leap. He ate the bread and instantly the bone went down.

Like my son, I often stand on the edge of a decision-cliff filled with terror: should I speak at the conference, should I write a middle-grade book, should I fly to China.  I often put one foot out over the chasm and pull it back. “Just one more question, God:

Is it going to be painful?

Are you sure I can do this?

Will I fall flat on my face?

Just like I assured my son, God assures me, “It’ll be ok, but you have to take the leap.” And then God gently reminds me of my son and the fishbone, and I know my choice is to either live, metaphorically, with a fishbone in my throat or take a leap of faith and have freedom. 

Dear God,

Just like my son was terrified of the pain of a fish bone, I am often scared to be brave and step out with you into the unknown. Forgive me for my lack of faith and help me to be willing to follow you out over the edge of the cliff of my comfort zone. “Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.”(1 Peter 3:14)

Japanese Maple

Recently, we began redoing our mud-filled back yard by creating a low-budget Japanese rock garden. The idea was a lot of rocks and a few key plants to make an oasis of peace under our large oak trees. I was excited one day when I got a Calloway’s email saying, “Thursday Only. Japanese Maples Regularly $29.99 Just $12.98 While they last!” So when Thursday came, I drove to Calloway’s at about ten ready to pick up my precious tree.

Walking up to the store I asked a clerk darting about where I could find my the maple. “Sorry, they were gone within the first twenty minutes. There was a line when we opened the store at nine.” Proud of their popularity, he didn’t notice my disappointment.

Leaving the store my agitation burned. Why had the store advertised the trees and only had enough for the first twenty minutes. Why hadn’t I come earlier? This upset stayed with me oscillating back and forth with a sense from God that everything would be ok. If I was meant to have a Japanese maple I would get one.

Later that day a neighbor posted a picture of her two beautiful Japanese maples from Callloway’s. Ugh. The picture of the delicate trees felt like salt rubbing in an old wound, but again God’s peace spoke to me. If I was meant to find an inexpensive Japanese maple he would provide, if not something else would be better in the yard.

On Friday during a lumber run I asked about their prices for a Japanese Maples: The $89.00 sticker shock made me realize what a great deal the Calloway’s offer had been. Again I let it go. Another store, another maple, bore the price of $149, Ugh. A wave of upset followed quickly by the repeating peaceful sense from God.

In John 14:27 Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” The Bible in fact is full of references to the peace he wants to give us if we will give him all our problems. Admittedly the tree was not a big problem, but sometimes our little problems are like slivers wedging their way under our skin, constantly pricking at our peace. In the past, not getting my Japanese maple would have become just such a sliver of upset.

Monday as I was heading home from my chiropractic appointment I passed Calloway’s. I decided that even at their regular price of $29.99 they were a great deal so I decided to stop and buy. I asked the clerk if they had any and he said they were out. Wandering the store I decided to look for a hydrangea instead so I headed toward the back where the shade loving plants are kept. As I scanned the shadowy area, I spied a small delicate tree lying on the ground with the signature lacy leaves. It had been blown over by the wind so I picked it up and placed my precious Japanese maple in my cart. It was labeled $29.99 but was still a bargain and the only one around.

When I went to check out the manager did a double take as he scanned my tree, “Where did you find this?”

He was sure they were out and so pointed it out to the other clerk. “Look what she found.”

“Yes, someone returned two of them,” she replied.

“Who would return a $12.98 tree?” I wondered out loud, and then I knew. God had someone return this tree just for me.

When he rang up the bill, another nice surprise. “You got it for $12.98.”

Paul says in 2 Thessalonians 3:16: “Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.” Peace is or rather should be one of the hallmarks of the Christian faith.

In John 16:33 Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Jesus left us with His peace; he left His words so we would have peace; he doesn’t want our minds to be troubled by anything. As I sit outside in the midst of my peaceful Japanese garden and gaze at my perfect Japanese maple I am reminded daily of God’s active working in my life to bring me His peace. He shows me daily how I can trust him, how I can lay down my upset in each and every circumstance and how I can run into His arms of peace.

God and Elvis: A Big Fish Story

(Originally published in Pearls of Promise: A devotion designed to reassure you of God's love. If you love this story a book full of similar stories is available at Amazon.com.)

Hearing God’s voice is like seeing Elvis.  I should know; I saw Elvis on a recent trip to Hawaii.  We were staying in a resort on the big island where a barracuda named Elvis lived.  He traveled the salty canal waters making appearances at various locations, but you had to watch carefully to get a glimpse.  Elvis was large but quick.  I thought I caught a flash of silver out of the corner of my eye, but I couldn’t be sure it was him.  I wanted a good look; I waited by the canal and watched.  I’d get a glance of a fin but nothing more.   But I was determined to get a good look.  Then I saw a ripple on top of the shallow stream. It was coming towards me. I waited.  The ripple came closer and closer and ah!  The barracuda!  A ripple on top of the water meant a barracuda underneath.  Now I knew what to look for.  Now I could spot Elvis easily.

When I saw Elvis that day, I had been praying for more awareness of God’s voice.  I realized instantly that seeing Elvis was like hearing God.  They both weren’t easy and required patience and attention.  I, therefore, set out to put more focus on hearing God’s gentle voice.

I wasn’t alone in my quest or my trouble.  People in all centuries have had difficulties understand and hearing God.  Matthew 13:14 talks about this problem referring to people who were listening to Jesus:  “In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: ‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.’”  Even when Jesus was physically with them, they often didn’t understand what he was saying.  It is true that many people never hear God’s gentle voice.  It is also true that many people who stayed at our hotel never saw Elvis. 

Why then did I see Elvis?  It started with intent.  I had to want to see Elvis.  Practically speaking, when I began my journey of being more aware of God’s voice, I started with a prayer of intent.  “Dear God, I know that you’re speaking, but often I do not hear.  Open my ears, God.  Make me aware of your gentle voice.” 

My next step, something we all have trouble with, was patience.  I had to stop and patiently watch the canal to catch a view of Elvis.  I also had to stop and listen for God.  When I had trouble seeing Elvis I could have run up and down the stream frantically looking for him.  This is sometimes how we try to hear God especially when we have a problem that needs a solution.  Most people aren’t patiently waiting for their bad situations to improve.  I am no exception.  I wanted a new house, now.  I wanted my children to be fixed, now.  But having patience meant spending time in silence; it meant not scheming to fix things and it meant not working things out my way.  I had to start giving myself quiet time so God could be heard and then real fixes could happen. 

Finally, to see the fish, I had to become in tune with the signs of a fish moving under the water—the ripples on top.  With God the same is true; I had to learn how to hear God’s gentle voice.  Elijah (1 Kings 19:9-13) looked for God in big things: an earthquake, a fire, and a storm, but he did not find him until he listened to a gentle whisper.  That is God’s way.  He speaks to us through coincidence, gentle tugs on our hearts, and whispers.  I looked at a house I never would have looked at.  I felt that tug on my heart.  We bought it.  I was driving by a friend’s house and heard a whisper.  We stopped to see if her son wanted to play.  She answered the door, “Boy, you are an answered prayer.”  When I listened and responded to his tugs and whispers, I was richly rewarded.

That brings me, finally, to what is different about hearing God and seeing Elvis.  When I saw Elvis it took 30 minutes of effort, but I often find that hearing God requires one more step—writing it down.  This is because God often works more subtly and over a period of time.  When I write things down, I often understand the events more clearly in retrospect.  When I write down when I feel God tugging on my heart, I can go back and verify it later.  I will also become more aware of when a thought or feeling is from God and when it is not.    My journal became filled with the amazing things God had done to make clear he was speaking to me.

And so we come to the end of this big fish story.  Of course, it is a big fish story with a lesson.  In Hawaii, Elvis was hard to spot, but I saw him.  God is also often hard to hear in the midst of our busy lives, but it is possible.  Hearing his voice simply requires a good bit of intent, patience, and attention. 

Faith Marker

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

One night, after a weekend of being sick, I lay in bed appreciating my husband. He had taken the kids to all their activities -no small task at our house—quizzed Ben for his test, and taken care of all the meals. My heart swelled with love for him as I thought of his wonderful care-taking spirit.

As I looked back over the years, I realized what an exceptional husband he had been. I remembered the three years of panic and anxiety attacks where he patiently listened to me day-after-boring-day complaining of the same heart-pounding symptoms and night-after-night he would rub my back until sleep would come. I often woke him in the middle of a good dream with neurotic sticky thought in my brain, and he would let me babble about it even though his alarm would go off for work at 6:00 a.m. More loving feelings followed as I appreciated him hanging in there threw thick and thin.

These positive feelings for him, I have to admit, have been rare lately as his shortcomings seem to be dressed in flashing lights and get all the attention. I have chosen too often to concentrate on what he isn’t doing to help me, how he could be different, and the difficulty he brings into my life. Dwell on the good and have a heart swelling with love or focus on the shortcomings and upset, anger, impatience, and hatred can easily set up residence in our hearts and soul.

I’ve personally had this realization multiple times previously but this was the first time I heard God’s voice asking me to take it one step further. I heard the still quiet whisper of God say, “The same is true with me.”  Yes, if I remember what God has done for me, my love for Him increases and I feel more loved by Him. That is why God instructed the Israelites to remember in Joshua 4:

When the whole nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the LORD said to Joshua, “Choose twelve men from among the people, one from each tribe, and tell them to take up twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan, from right where the priests are standing, and carry them over with you and put them down at the place where you stay tonight.”. .    In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’  tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.” .(Joshua 4: 1-3 & 6-7)

In scripture, the greats of our faith often listed what God did for them. While remembering God’s movement in their lives, their appreciation and love for God multiplied and they felt more loved by Him.

Do you take time to remember what God has done for you? Do you mark your faith moments with God? When I look back at bad decisions God brought me through, when I realize all the times he has comforted me in the middle of the night, when I repeat these moments of faith, I both love Him more and feel the strength of His loving arms around me. I also realize, I need to take time to remember, like the Israelites, how he’s brought me out of the desert and into the Promise Land.