Dad I’d Like you to Meet my God

My dad died in October. Though I tried I didn’t make it back to see him in time. He took his last breath as my plane landed in Minneapolis with 3 ½ hours of driving still ahead of me. Frankly, I was mad about not making it to his death bed. Surely God could have arranged the whole situation a little better, but then I realized in fact he had.

You see my dad was an atheist. The reason I wanted to make it was to share my faith with him. When he took his last breath before I arrived, I started looking back. I realized I had already miraculously shared God with my father. 

It began a year earlier. While working on my new book Faith Marker Journey, I had recorded one of the many ways God had saved me.  Because of this process of writing it down, one day when I was having a phone conversation with my father, our discussion took a spiritual turn. The topic: the ordinarily forbidden subject of religion. Consistently when my dad talked about being atheist or how clearly false some beliefs were, I shut my mouth. I didn’t want to get into an argument about religion since our relationship seemed so fragile and arguing with a college professor seemed pointless.

This time the conversation started with ISIS and how fundamentalist religious group do atrocious things in the name of their faith. It went quickly to Christianity and the Crusades and then to how the story of Jesus was clearly made up because there wasn’t agreement between the gospels. Usually I would just listen but this time my story, the story I had written down, popped into my head, so I shared.  

I said that most people have a firm belief in God not because of what they read but because of what they experience. People believe in God because of their own very real personal God experiences.

“For example,” I said, “I have struggled with depression for much of my life.  Each time it came on, I’d feel this sinking sensation start in my heart. The feeling would build until I knew my heart would burst. The emotional pain was so intense and so physical, I always wondered if I would survive.”

“Then one night as I lay in bed with my husband beside me, I felt the sinking feeling again.  My first reaction was fear. I tightening my muscles. Pointlessly I tried to fight it. Then something changed. Acceptance flooded my heart as through my closed eyes an extremely bright light glared. There in the center was an image of Jesus. Being on the verge of depression suddenly changed to a feeling of bliss and euphoria.  Jesus intervened in my depression and gave me joy instead.”

After I finished my story, my father wondered out loud, “if we knew more about psychology we might be able to explain it a different way.”  But he stopped arguing, he couldn’t really disprove something I experienced and he knew that really the opposite was true. He knew that in fact our brains tend to go down the same path. We talked more but at the end of the hour long conversation, he said he really enjoyed our talk. Although he still didn’t agree, I think because of my story, he saw religion as not about some dogma out there but as personal relationships people have with God.

As I looked back on this I realized God knew everything that was going to transpire with my father long before it happened. He knew my father was going to be diagnosed with melanoma. He knew my father would quickly die. He knew I wasn’t going to make it back to see him. Finally, he knew I needed to share one of my faith stories on that normal day six months before any of the other drama unfolded. He knew what my father needed to find God!

Driving with my husband, after the sad call about my father, my husband suddenly began to sing a song that popped inexplicable into his head. I’d heard the song many time before but never in the same way. “Amazing Grace how sweet the sound.” I began to sing with him. “That saved a wretch like me.”

 “I once was lost.” I slowed as the words seem to speak directly to my heart, “but now I’m found. Was blind but now I see.” As the word "see" tumbled out of my mouth, the tears swelled in my eyes. I knew God was assuring me. My father, who once was lost, had been found!

“He made it!” I said to my husband and I praised God that I knew it was true!